If you think I’ve hung up my keyboard…
If you think I’ve decided to give up blogging and ride my tiny ripple of internet “fame” (lol) to a sensible later-life career as a spokesperson for foot-care products*…
If you think I’ve finally started to fade away gracefully…
In what could be the most upsetting news for Carly Rae Jepsen since that guy at the end of the “Call Me Maybe” video turned out to be a homo,
Viewers seemed happy that “Call Me Maybe” lost and began airing their feelings on Twitter writing comments like, “I hope Carly Rae Jepsen enjoyed her 15 minutes. They are officially up.”
Wrote another: “I swear if Carly Rae Jepsen won that award over Adele and Rihanna I would’ve given up on life right at that moment […]
Oh yeah? Well she has a new hit single coming out soon, so take THAT, haterz! I forget what it’s called, but it’s sure to be another Great Song of Our Time. Maybe.
Mark your calendars, dear readers: my birthday is imminent! Each year I try to take this opportunity to pause and reflect on another bygone year of my life–all of its attendant ups and downs, its triumphs and tribulations–and to really ask myself, “What presents should people buy me?”
Have I read it? Oh please. Am I going to blog about it anyway? YES OF COURSE.
FYI, dear readers, “Call Me Maybe” has been stuck in my head… every. F-ing. DAY since I wrote that STUPID POST!!!!! In other words, my life is a living hell. Now, I know what you’re thinking. “No punishment could be too harsh.” Fine. If this is the price I have to pay for bringing some existential meaning into all of our lives, then so be it. Just put me on suicide watch, maybe?
On a lighter note, please find below the long-awaited video of my stand-up act from the 2012 Friendpal Talent Show. I can’t say my routine doesn’t somehow involve (surprise!) Canadian teen pop stars, but at least there’s no “Call Me Maybe”. At ALL. I swear!
If you got the reference in the title, let’s face it: you’re probably not even reading this post anymore. (Whatever! Good luck avoiding “Call Me Maybe” on the REST of the internet! HA.) If you didn’t get the reference, today is your lucky day, because I am about to rescue you from the Carly-Rae-Jepsen-free cave you’ve been living in for the entirety of 2012. You’re welcome, dear readers.