Password Rules

 

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Password Rules

The password must be at least 17 characters long; 18 in a leap year.

The password must contain at least:

  • One uppercase letter.
  • One lowercase letter.
  • One letter of intent.
  • One letter of recommendation from a college professor.
  • One sub-letter.
  • One even number.
  • One odd number.
  • One three-digit prime number that doesn’t end in a “1”, “7”, or “9”.
  • One Number Four Extra Value Meal, Supersize, with Diet Coke.
  • One good reason to stay here.
  • One special character from this set: (_|_)
  • One character witness.
  • One caricature.
  • One emoji (non-fruit).

The password must not:

  • Contain your email address.
  • Contain your birthday, your wedding anniversary, your kid’s name, your pet’s name, your mother’s maiden name, or the name of your favorite Lady Gaga song.
  • Have ever been your password for any internet thing since you first got AOL in, like, 1996.  LOL.
  • Contain any two consecutive letters found in any word in any language, including the English language, sign language, HTML, Esperanto, and the universal language of love.
  • Make sense or have the ability to be remembered.

Examples of poorly chosen passwords:

  • password
  • password123
  • fuckthispasswordbullshit
  • Itwasthebestoftimesitwastheworstoftimesitwastheageofwisdomitwastheageoffoolishnessitwastheepochofbeliefitwastheepochofincredulity
  • MySocialSecurityNumberIs999458721

Example of the only password that is actually strong enough to protect you from LOSING EVERYTHING YOU’VE EVER OWNED AND/OR LOVED TO SINISTER CYBER THIEVES (the following is for example purposes only; do not use as your actual password, or else… THIEVES!):

  • ¿Sj#klv2938#0254.K3ki0v$aks^la;eeihj&avsklsrj(eiso3?903w58242039((4+3jfamc<AJWK@2g39i034u”Z!!?

Error Message: Sorry, your new password does not meet the rule requirements.  Please don’t try again.  At this point you’re just too old to keep up with the exponential growth of the internet, anyway.  Maybe go off the grid and spare yourself the embarrassment?