Comment, maybe?Posted: July 24, 2012
If you got the reference in the title, let’s face it: you’re probably not even reading this post anymore. (Whatever! Good luck avoiding “Call Me Maybe” on the REST of the internet! HA.) If you didn’t get the reference, today is your lucky day, because I am about to rescue you from the Carly-Rae-Jepsen-free cave you’ve been living in for the entirety of 2012. You’re welcome, dear readers.
But before I get to that, I owe you guys some excuses! So uh, yeah… about that whole glaring-lack-of-posts thing. I can explain. It turns out that my June and July have been somewhat… eventful. Event #1: Unexpectedly having to move out of my apartment. Event #2: Attending a wedding (2,700 miles away). Event #3: Visiting family. Event #4: Attending another wedding (2,000 miles away).
If one of the aforementioned events occurs in life, it is manageable. Stressful (to varying degrees)–yes, but manageable. When all of them happen AT THE SAME F-ING TIME, however, things start to feel crazy–and not the “Hey, I just met you” kind. But like we always (read: never) say here in Seattle, “When it rains Life Stuff, it pours Life Stuff. Also, actual rain.” And hey, if one Personal Growth Experience is good, then four at once must be… well, let’s see now. Good to the fourth equals…
*mental math* *scratch paper* *calculator on phone*…. LIKE TOTALLY AWESOME DUDE. Go me! The slouch continues.
Plus, the weddings were fun. I mean, how many weddings have you experienced that have ended up looking like…
The final thing I want to say (in what has unfortunately become the longest excuse EVER) is this: thank you, to my friends and to my person, for being there for me during this eventful time. In the words of Drake (radio version), you da best.
OK, now that we’ve all barfed a rainbow–AND forgiven me for having such a chaotic and fascinating life!–on to more pressing matters. One thing you’ll notice here at Hair, Apparent is that I am always on the cutting edge of Extremely Meaningful and Weighty Pop Culture Phenomena of Eight Months Ago. Case in point: I’m like, totally obsessed with this song right now! LOL!
No but seriously. WHY DO I LIKE THIS SONG WHY GOD WHYYYY??? This is what keeps me awake at night, you guys. The great question of our time.
Through hours of stoic horizon-gazing (aka hair profile-posing), here is what I’ve been able to pinpoint:
1. It has those synth violin thingies that helped Vanessa Carlton weasel her way into my head back in 2002.
What is it with those? Is the entire human brain lined with synth violin receptors? It’s like narcotics. Genius! Diabolical!
2. The lyrics are so bad, they’re… bad. So, so bad, in fact.
Before you came into my life / I missed you so bad
WTF? Usually when it comes to both syntax and meaning in pop lyrics, I’m willing to suspend my disbelief in the name of a catchy beat. Sure, “conversate” is a word. And yeah, the lyrics to “Fergalicous” seem remotely based on the English language. But this is just too much! UGH. I can’t even explain to you why the above line doesn’t make sense, because every time I start to think about it my brain explodes.
Shouting along with the “So. So. BAD!” part is so (so) fun that I think it actually erases any memory of the grammatical atrocity that just occurred. Wow. That’s even more infuriating/impressive than the synth violin thing. Can you imagine what life would be like if the maniacally brilliant minds behind pop music production channeled their creative powers towards something like, oh I don’t know, world peace? Nah, me either. More Katy Perry !!!!!!!
3. I have a shameful and inexplicable affinity for shiny, overproduced female bubblegum pop stars with questionable levels of talent.
JoJo. Miley Cyrus. Katy Perry. Justin Bieber. (OK fine, Biebs isn’t a female. But I still put him on this list because he’s a cute, tiny little lesbian. Even with the new hair.) Why do I genuinely enjoy the songs spewed forth by these larger-than-life manufactured personas with their ridiculous outfits and inspirational feature-length films? (I’m not even gonna ASK if anyone wants to go see this one with me.) Only years of therapy will tell.
In the mean time, I’ll leave you with a link to Call Me Maybe Acapella 147 Times Exponentially Layered by Dan Deacon. After slogging through this post, you may find it strangely cathartic. Or just plain ear-crushing. SO LISTEN MAYBE.